Scenes from Nerima 3
by DigiSim
Summary: Not my work at all. Stephen gave me permission to post this, so I am. I'm only writing the summary. I didn't alter this in any way. Well maybe a typo or two, but that's it. Enjoy.


Dimension Fanfiction Writers Group  
  
and  
  
Rebels In Black Productions  
  
Present  
  
___________________  
  
Scenes From Nerima 3: Further Acts Of Incompetence From The Cast Of Ranma 1/2  
  
___________________  
  
A Blatant Rip-Off By Stephen "Mr. Sequels" Schlueter  
  
___________________  
  
Based On  
  
"Ranma ½" By Rumiko Takahashi  
  
and  
  
"Scenes From Nerima" By Andrew Eoff  
  
___________________  
  
C&C To emperorschlueter@hotmail.com  
  
___________________  
  
In my ongoing quest to take a good idea and wear it completely thin, I  
  
wrote some more "Ranma ½" out takes. The first section is dedicated to  
  
straight Ranma bloopers. The rest are out takes from my own work  
  
including, "An Alan Smithee Fanfiction" and the now infamous "Urban  
  
Legends". I can only hope Andew Eoff forgives me for blatantly ripping  
  
off his idea.  
  
-Stephen Schlueter  
  
Part One: Scenes From Rumiko Takahashi's Nerima  
  
Scene One: Ryoga is about to ambush Ranma, yet again. He jumps high into  
  
the air preparing for an assault.  
  
Ryoga: Ranma! Prepare to die!!  
  
He misses Ranma by a good ten feet and hits a wall instead.  
  
Director: Cut!  
  
Take 2:  
  
Ryoga: Ranma! Prepare To Die!!  
  
He tries to leap into the air and trips on a crack in the sidewalk.  
  
Ryoga lands on his face.  
  
Director: Oh, for... Cut!  
  
Take 3:  
  
Ryoga: Ranma!! Prepare... Hey, where is he?  
  
Ranma is off stage signing autographs.  
  
Ranma: Yeah, it's true. I do my own stunts.  
  
Director and Ryoga smack themselves in the forehead and wander off  
  
=====  
  
Scene Two: Ranma and Genma are doing their morning sparring. Ranma knock  
  
Genma into the koi pond.  
  
*Thunk!*  
  
Director: Cut! Who forgot to fill the pond?  
  
=====  
  
Scene Three: Ukyo, Ranma-Chan and Akane are in Ukyo's resturaunt talking  
  
about Tsubasa.  
  
Long pause.  
  
Ukyo: Hey! Tsubasa! That's your cue to bust through the wall in the soda  
  
machine.  
  
Tsubasa: (muffled) Someone get the jaws of life! I can't move in this  
  
thing!  
  
=====  
  
Scene Four: Ranma confronts Prince Toma in his private chamber.  
  
Long silence.  
  
Ranma: Dammit. What's my line?  
  
Toma: Why are you the lead? You're always screwing up? I'm going back to  
  
my trailer. Call me when this bozo learns how to act.  
  
Akane: I can't believe I turned down an opportunity to play the lead in  
  
"Princess Mononoke" for this.  
  
=====  
  
Scene Five: Akane and Ranma walking to Furinkan High. Ranma is walking  
  
along the fence.  
  
Ranma: You see, Akane, it's like this...  
  
He slips and falls off the fence.  
  
Director: Cut!  
  
Take 2:  
  
Ranma: You see, Akane, it's...  
  
He trips on the top of a fence post and falls again.  
  
Director: Jeez...  
  
Take 3:  
  
Ranma: You see, Akane...  
  
He starts to lose his balance and falls *on* the fence. Everyone on the  
  
set winces.  
  
Akane: That had to hurt.  
  
=====  
  
Scene Six: Yet another public bath house oriented storyline. Akane,  
  
Nabiki, Kasumi and the central female cast are all soaking in hot  
  
water.  
  
Ukyo: I hate these bath house episodes. The steam messes up my hair.  
  
Akane: Yeah, but we get triple our scale rate for doing nude scenes.  
  
Kasumi: I get triple scale and you don't even see me.  
  
Nabiki: Yeah, some of us are a tad too lucky if you ask me.  
  
Director: Ahem. Ladies, we're rolling.  
  
=====  
  
Scene Seven: Hiroshi, Diasuke, Yuka and Sayuri are standing around  
  
chatting.  
  
Long pause.  
  
Hiroshi: Hey, where is everyone?  
  
Diasuke: I'm getting sick of having to wait on the stars. We're just as  
  
important as they are! We should go on strike!  
  
All: Yeah!  
  
Director: (To set manager) Remind me to kill them off in the next  
  
episode.  
  
=====  
  
=====  
  
Part Two: Scenes From Alan Smithee's Nerima  
  
Note: These are out takes from the "Alan Smithee" fanfics I wrote that  
  
became unusually popular. Considering Smithee's work, his out takes must  
  
be pretty bad.  
  
=====  
  
Scene One: Akane enters Dr. Tofu's office.  
  
Akane: Doctor, how is Ranma? I'm so fearful he won't survive!... Oh,  
  
please. Who's going to believe that I would say this crap?  
  
Smithee: Cut! That's the point... Yeesh, how come no one knows genius  
  
when they see it?  
  
=====  
  
Scene Two:  
  
Kuno: Both the pig-tailed girl and Akane Tendo have rejected me! I can  
  
live no more!  
  
Kodachi: Oh, please, when has that ever stopped you?  
  
Kuno: Good point.  
  
Smithee: Cut! Stop using logic, dammit!  
  
=====  
  
Scene Three: The guest critics are in the balcony. Stephen Schlueter is  
  
chatting with Roger Ebert.  
  
Stephen: Honestly, Roger. I think you should give me a shot as the guest  
  
critic. I can overanalyze things and I'm a lot more talented than the  
  
guy you had on last week.  
  
Zen: Zen is far more enlightened than you.  
  
Smithee: People! Could we please get on with the scene!  
  
Andrew: Hey! You're ripping off my idea!  
  
Stephen: Uh-oh!  
  
Stephen runs off the set.  
  
=====  
  
Scene Four: The cast is going over the script.  
  
Ranma: So basically we all commit suicide?  
  
Ryoga: How come I have to die first? I always die early in these  
  
stories. I died in the first "Urban Legends" fic too. I'd better call my  
  
agent about this.  
  
Akane: How'd this guy become a director?  
  
Smithee: Stop insulting my work! I'm a genius!  
  
Ranma: Sure you are.  
  
=====  
  
=====  
  
Part Three: Scenes From "Urban Legends"  
  
Note: The following are out takes from the "Urban Legends" slasher fics,  
  
something I should probably be working on rather than writing this.  
  
=====  
  
Scene One: Gosunkugi is about to be attacked by the killer.  
  
*Thunk!*  
  
Schlueter: Cut! Those windows aren't supposed to have real glass, you  
  
morons!  
  
=====  
  
Scene Two: The Tendo House. The phone rings.  
  
Kasumi: Akane, could you get that?  
  
Akane: Okay?  
  
Answers the phone.  
  
Akane: Hello?  
  
Voice: This is AT&T. You haven't paid your bill this month.  
  
Schlueter: Ha, ha. Very funny.  
  
=====  
  
Scene Three: The closing scene of "Urban Legends: I Know What You Did  
  
Last Semester". The killers confront Akane when Kevin Williamson wanders  
  
onto the set.  
  
Kevin: All right! Who do you think you are? You ripped off my idea!  
  
Schlueter: Yeah, so? About a dozen other people did too. You should have  
  
filed copyright sooner Kevin, I own the copyrights to "Scream" now.  
  
Shows Kevin several legal documents  
  
Kevin: Damn. I need a new lawyer.  
  
He wanders off the set.  
  
Schlueter: Let's try this again. Places!  
  
[Note: Kevin Williamson is the now famous screeenwriter who wrote  
  
"Scream", "Scream 2", "I Know What You Did Last Summer", "The Faculty"  
  
and "Teaching Mrs. Tingle".]  
  
=====  
  
Scene Four: On the set of Urban Legends H20, Akane is being chased by  
  
the ghost masked killer.  
  
Akane: Hold it a second!  
  
Schlueter: Cut! What is it, Akane?  
  
Akane: This can't be Principal Kuno. He's too tall.  
  
Schlueter: I know. The Principal refused to appear in the sequel so we  
  
hired someone else.  
  
Akane: Who?  
  
Schlueter: Robert Englund.  
  
[Note: for those of you who don't watch horror films, Robert Englund is  
  
the guy who played Freddy Krueger in the "Nightmare On Elm Street"  
  
films. I've only seen the first one, personally.]  
  
=====  
  
Scene Five: The ghost masked killer sneaks up on Nabiki in the shower.  
  
He accidentally snips on the wet tile and crashes to the ground.  
  
General Laughter.  
  
Schlueter: I give up.  
  
=====  
  
The End.  
  
I've been spending a lot of time writing a very serious, very dark  
  
fanfic so I decided to write this as a break from the more despairing  
  
material. I only hope Andrew Eoff can forgive me for blatantly ripping  
  
off his idea.  
  
-Stephen Schlueter  
  
--  
  
"Look, Jiji, There's the ocean!"  
  
"Big deal. It's just a big puddle of water."  
  
-Kiki's Delivery Service 


End file.
